My college classmate and one-time tenant Michael Pahre writes an excellent neighborhood blog. Tonight he informs me that there was a “dungeon” right down the street from me. Its “mistress” and her husband (the master?) were arrested last week for, according to the Allston-Brighton Tab, “sexual conduct for a fee and allowing a premise to be used for immoral purposes.” I guess those are the official terms for prostitution and running a whorehouse in Massachusetts.

After reading the story, my first thought was naturally “how come nobody invited me to the grand opening?” But I am intrigued by the description of the events leading up to the arrest:

Police began investigating [Kara] Rogers when an undercover officer responded to a craiglist ad on Aug. 21 that said “Gorgeous Mistress available to meet submissive men.”

The officer and Rogers reportedly exchanged e-mails before setting up an appointment over the phone. On Thursday, Aug. 23, the officer went to the building, where a tall blond woman dressed in a sheer robe, lingerie and high heels motioned for the officer to come inside an apartment, police said. The officer was brought into a living room that contained several sex toys and rope, police said.

The woman, who identified herself as “Mistress Gorgeous,” reportedly said to the officer, “So you want to be tied? Well, I can do that with a little spanking, what else do you like?” After negotiating the price of $175 for a half-hour, the officer asked if he would receive oral sex as well, reports state. When Rogers said no, the officer left the apartment.

When arrested, Rogers reportedly said she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, because there was no sexual contact.

I actually think Mistress Gorgeous may have a point. It certainly can’t be against the law simply to cause pain to another consenting adult. If it were, there would be no such thing as a personal trainer. Suppose the services consisted solely of foot massages or verbal humiliation. Services such as these might well elicit a sexual response from some customers, but that’s by no means a certainty. Seems to me that if there’s no exposing, much less touching, of the genitals, there’s no sex. And if there’s no sex for money, I don’t know what other standard you use to determine if someone’s purposes are “immoral.”

This could be an interesting case.

Not On My Watch has been selected for another short play festival, this time on the streets of Kitchener, Ontario, Canada. The show runs September 12-15 and 19-22. See http://www.flushink.net/AJSIII.html for more details. My picture and bio will soon be posted here.

The script is available in the Files section on my Facebook page.

As I was gleefully reading the story of Larry Craig’s adventures in the Minneapolis airport, I came across the following paragraphs:

The scandal had already taken a political toll. On Monday, Craig resigned from a prominent role with Republican Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign. He had been one of Romney’s top Senate supporters, serving as a liaison for the campaign since February.

Asked about Craig, Romney said, “He’s disappointed the American people.”

“Yeah, I think it reminds us of Mark Foley and Bill Clinton. I think it reminds us of the fact that people who are elected to public office continue to disappoint, and they somehow think that if they vote the right way on issues of significance or they can speak a good game, that we’ll just forgive and forget,” Romney said on CNBC’s “Kudlow & Company.”

Foley is a former Republican lawmaker who resigned nearly a year ago after being confronted with the computer messages he sent to male teenage pages who had worked on Capitol Hill. Clinton is the former president accused in congressional impeachment proceedings of lying about an affair with a White House intern.

“Accused?!?!” Excuse me, but it’s a FACT that Clinton lied about his affair with Lewinsky. Stuff like this, unfortunately, gives credibility to those on the right who rant and rave about the media’s love affair with the Clintons and other Democratic leaders. Do you think reporters and editors really don’t notice that they’re doing this?

Our summer vacation is memorialized thusly:

• St. Croix is a lot larger than I thought it would be. Although perhaps it only seems bigger than it really is because of the total lack of anything we would call a highway.
• If you’re planning to play golf on your vacation, try not to break your ribs the week before. You’ll be sorely disappointed — literally. The Carambola golf course looks like it would have been very nice, though, and quite a bargain in the off-season at $34 walking.
• Whatever that thing is up ahead on the side of the road, don’t look too carefully as you pass it. You probably don’t want to know what it is (or was).
• To the owners of the “Wright Home” wireless network at the condo complex, thanks for leaving it unsecured. It saved us a lot of time driving to a real Wi-Fi hotspot.
• $7.99 for a quart of Starbucks ice cream????
• We sampled the following beaches: Carambola (at the beach resort), Cane Bay, Buck Island, and Sand Castle. If I had to go back to any of them, it would be Carambola. It was the only one that had a nice place to sit AND a little bit of snorkeling AND a place to eat AND a place to go to the bathroom. Buck Island would have been great if it hadn’t cost $50 per person to get to. All of the beaches were nearly deserted on weekdays in August, which was nice.
• If you think the street signs in Massachusetts are bad ….
• I tried the raspberry flavored Cruzan rum and I liked it. Does that make me less of a man?
• First thing to do when arriving at your room in St. Croix: find out what kind of flashlights they have provided. Second thing: get more batteries for them, just in case. The power may go out even when you don’t have a tropical storm nearby.
• That being said, our brush with Hurricane Dean could have been much, much worse.
• We didn’t go to any restaurants worth writing about, but I would recommend going to the places actually mentioned in the guide books rather than any place you happen to stumble upon.
• The movie theater itself is about as far away from the movie theater sign in the mall parking lot as it could possibly be. It’s way back in the corner. Keep going. Further. Further. Trust me, it’s back there. We don’t need no stinkin’ signs.
• Rhoda poses for photos a lot more demurely than I do.
• 

On the whole … nothing really wrong with St. Croix (it certainly beats working), but we’re unlikely to be back real soon. There are other Caribbean destinations that have more of whatever it is that you looking for, whether that’s pretty beaches, peace and quiet, water sports, nightlife, good food, historical sites, or even a combination of all of the above. Maybe I’d feel differently if we were scuba divers; that seems to be one of the major attractions.